You know the first time for me, I was in the first grade. I will never let him go. It wasn't love no it was friend ship misunderstood, friendship that had no thought other then the wanting of being deep and lovly. Two school boys trying to find understanding in a world that would not stop moving. I don't think that love between two school kids, is heathy, but I'm not ashamed of mine. I did nothing that I didn't want to do.
We all want and need to feel love and To feel safe. I was wrong, we were wrong in how we went about finding that happy place.
Now older, of age and of understanding, I still look for that find of friendship and love that will be deep and safe. Its hard though when most men want a young boy who can suck there big old cock and NEEDS to take that cock to crave some strange hunger that can never be filled. Starving for cock.
I'm not starved for cock, and I don't need a cock in my face to feel human. I have other needs and hungers.
The hunger to be known and to feel pretty and loved. I want people to look at me and want to know me. I would like to become the best and I need to give my self over to some one, to let go and stop thinking about what can and should.
Truth is I have found some one to love and that I feel loves me. I think I am safe and can start to tare down some of my walls and try to find that understanding that I have never know. The thing is now I'm of age (a good thing yes) but with age comes new understanding and with that comes new misunderstandings. Such as want is love and how and why is fucking so close behind love. Why is sex so much like a god and being with some one is so wanted and needed.
I don't understand why I need to be loved and why I do want to have sex. I don't get why... I don't understand
