what the cream gave me.

I'm 20 and last night we had a party. Like I always do I have way to much to drink, and I smoked most of my weed. I'm nude, and wish I could say that I had been undressed by some one hands other then my own. But I can't.

I'm nude, because last night I was to fucked up to dress my self. Rolling my self in a blanket, I walk in the my living room and sit on the floor. I do two things. First I finish my weed, and second I smoke a cigarette.

When did I become this?

       I am not the man that my mother raised me to be. 

       The cow is my mother, I suck from her tit.

Oh fuck I need some thing to make this taste get out of my mouth. To much IPA. 

I'm walking in to my room and grab my box nest to my bed, inside is a back up joint, three sugar cubes of LSD, and a glass bottle full of pills. I take the blue up. I think its an upper, I'll be ok if its a downer, I don't really care.

I have cuts on my left arm. I must have been upset last night.

I am not the man that my father raised me to be.

The bull is my sire, from his loins I was giving the wonderful gift of life.

A pound of flesh, from my left arm. With this pound I pay my deit. Bless you mother cow, father bull. I have payed deit. Now I ask of you, give me hope. Give me love. 

Mother cow, father bull, let me give me give up.

I'm still 20, but the week is not the same. I am the same. Once more I have fucked up. I let life get the best of me. 

Anger was the cause, not me. I could never be to blame for this. I'm a good kid, just having fun you know. My friend was the one who gave me the pills and my lover was the one the bottle of vodka. I can not be to blame for my actions, I am but my mothers son.

At sixteen I had came home to my mother. The ruby of Arizona. My giver of lifes milk. My mother had always been my joy. 

Some thing was wrong.

She had not slept in over a week, and her face was starting to show that. I think my mother may never come back to me.

I have not seen my mother in four years. 

Thats a lie. I have not been true to my mother in four years. I have let her down.

My mother had thought that all the food should be given to Jehovah. When I came home that day she was pouring the cream on the the floor with one hand and eating a tomato in the other.

That little ruby turned to me and said. "My wolf in sheep's clothing. We would like to ask you. How long do you think the wicked going to exult."