about last night.

I have. like I all ways do. been drinking a little to much.
Needen to pee and other thing I stop tp look at your page. Right now I am beyound hung up on you. and for this I give in. I feel some thing... you know that feeling is a great gift.

My mother was lost to me and I felt notthing I knew nothing. I wished that I could care and feel hurt or anger or sad any thing. not this lost numb that I feel with suger and sex.

names sould be placed here all of the ones that I loved. My writing is shit for one reason. I cant get you put of my head. I write more when I'm sad. But happy oh joy. When I am happy that is when I write the real McCoy!!!

Not that you or any one reads this I know that my dream of lights and and me young and sexy in your eyes and the worlds view is a god dame fucking lose of a shit pip dream. so please read this let me know that read this. my words have some how gone inside of your sweet little ears and you need them you want then you love them.

what the nose gave me.

I have been up for hours. To much blow I think. Is it wrong that at the age of 23 I still find it cool to put things in my nose? Right now I'll lay in my bed, with my big red pillows and think about you. both of you. How is it that the two men in my life have left me.

You walked into my life and walked out.

I was 17 teen and in love with you.

Stop.

I was 16 teen and had come home to smell burt paper. It wasn't me for the first time. It was my mother. I lost her that day. I looked into her face and I didn't know her. Fucking brain slugs!!! Lavender blue dilly dilly lavender green dilly dilly if I were king i'd need a queen.

I did LSD at 21, with my 22 year old brother. My left side went numb. My face was monsters... I saw a side of my self that I think that I have grown to understand.

When you pull down that wall and let people you don't like fuck you, you start to lose all love for your self.

I'm a bad person fact.
I have no love fact.
You can do better then me fact.
I was 12 playing with black widows fact.

what a rush

i need to sleep. lay down my little head. i need to go to bed. Sleep.
I don't know why I seem to be loving you all over again, I miss you and want you to hold me. Its been so long. Come back. Take me back. You don't have to love me or fuck me. hell i'll give it a go i'll fuck you. What ever you want me to do.
Just hold me. take my hand under the table do no one will see you holding my hand. Be sweet to me again.
I want to drink gen and tonic and eat so much tomato pie that I want to die! kill me with yoour bad jokes and I swear that I will never smell bad again. ever. Any thing you want just lay down with me. You dont even have to touch me ley next to me.

my lover I don't even like

Three months after my frist boyfriend let me go I had sex with a man who loved my body. Be kissed my thighs and legs. My belly and chest. every were his hands could go they did. and I let him. I let him worship me and love me and make me feel like for once I was wonderful.
I know that's not the way things are and I know that I will never see him again. I gave him the wrong phone number. I can't help but wish that frank will take me back. I want him to love me. I hate the rob can stay in that house.
I hate that I didn't want to tell frank that i loved him I didn't want to call him my boyfriend. He told me he loved me. he called me his boyfriend and he told me he wanted to end things. I hate that I feel in love with him. I miss him.