ways to hurt

In my underwear. im in my bed trying to forget all of the sounds outside my window. I the sweat and piss is starting to make my eyes burn.

I have found my self once again in the same place i was last year. fuck. Im overcome by the want to give up and let go. crap my pants and lay in it.

I cant help but think that i hope that you and every one you love gets fucked over. I hope that you can understand that you gave me the power cause Im at my best when i can hate my self. wach me rock at this.

im going to layin bed and think about what could have been and how great it was and how fucked up every thing is now. Im going to stay up all nigh tell 7am doing coke with friends and think about how much it would kill you to see me this fucked up. Im going to black out at gay bars and not care how i got home.

I think i care more that im sad and lost laying in my dirty underwear. I wish I could say that you would care that im sad today or that i can't stop drinking. I wish i could hurt you and make you cry. I wish you could feel what i feel inside.

Truth is i do know how to hurt you. i know just what to say. but i can't. I can't cause it would hurt me to much to let you know the truth.