feed me to the birds... twist tell im a knot that cant be undone.

dont worry i wont let you get lost. ill never lose you. Ill leave you a path so you can find me. Ill fake tan and lay out in the sun for days tell im dry and my skin falls off with each step. ill walk the path to my home and ill dance that path. Leaving behind a trail of me. Ill be like a dandylion, make a wish. It better be about me. Ill do this naked for you. all the way to my place. Ill wait for you there.

Ill move about. waiting for you. I should know better then to wait for you. But ill wait and move tell i have no skin left and mu muscles and vains will touch the air. Ill become sticky with blood, yet ill keep moving and twisting tell my arms stick to my legs and my back and thighs. ill twist and bend tell im all tied up. Ill get so twisted that no one will be able to undo me. I wont stop. ill move further into the knot. This is how you will find me, that is if you ever show.

This is how you will find me. all tied up for you.

Skin me alive

how wonderful would it be if the world loved me so much that my teeth where like pearls and every one wanted to own one. and my skin if it could clear up and become a map of every ones hopes and the world woud skin me and dry it. Make me into a lamp. with a red light.... i want all the whores to use me... make your insides look fresh. Take my hair and make fine wigs out ot it...
my bones dry them out and grind them up and you will fine im the best fondation you have ever seen.
I want my body cut and pulled and dryed... i want to be made into bags and soups and rings.
Please use me... and if this wont work then fuck me.... please please please fuck me. hit me piss on me any thing to make me feel wanted

it all makes me so sick!

Im going to take dog crap and rub it all over the doors of your work. Then every time i walk by ill spit my gum out. and ill take crap about you to your boyfreinds friends. Im going to be that kid who wants to hurt you who wants to make you the pain that i felt. I want to make you cry as you walk in center city.

I cant the only way for me to do that is for you to love your new boyfriend. madly love him. hate your self for any thing bad that you did. And want to hold on to him, even as your friends tell you to drop him. I want you think that he wants things to work. and then he needs to hurt you.

you may not believe me when i say this, but if that happend to you it would hurt me too. Caue you hurt case you your in love with him not cause you love me.

There is nothing i can do to hurt you like you hurt me.

I believed you and now i find myself in a strange place. im looking good and i feel good but im lost. alone and scare to love again. scared to be hurt. and it makes me sick to be this that guy. that sad sad man with a cold heart. i feel raw.

Hello i have become a hore... i always was.

I want you to know that i before you i had felt pain. In that way you were not the first.

from up above every thing looks sick

I saw two flys fucking today. They were so fat, and i could see the black hairs on the females body standing up like spines. that little male didn't care he grbbed that female and fucking rapped her. In the wild wild world of bugs cats and dogs. lions tigers and bears. sex isn't a joy.

then agin every sex isnt always a walk in the park. every time in the back of my mind is fear that i may get hurt, or get some fucked up std. I have yet to get an std. But every time i get a cold im srue that its HIV And yet i go out of my way to not get tested. Some timed not knowing is the best game plain.

Its nuts how much we think about sex. How much money we spend for it and the things and people that we fuck. I have gotten so use to letting people that i dont know fuck me that im ok with asking things like "are you going to be done soon, cause i have things i need to do" or "ok now what about me?"

I want to to fly up next time im getting fucked. i want to leave my body and look down at my self from above. see my lips as they wisper "i just want him to be over"

to the back of the line,

in 1996 on the frist day of school a school bus flipped over on the high way. many kids died and three would never walk again.











i have not thought about that day in years and i forgot about my friend who i dated for a week, his brother was one of the kids who was on that bus. his brother was one of the kids who never got to walk again. His brother died 6 years later.











In 2001 a kid in my school went to the train track and layed down with his legs up. he died that way, two days later a girl tied a rope to her neck and hung her self up to dry in her house. She died that way. The next week a boy blew his head off. and for the first time every one i knew started to see death as a answer.





Doing lines of pills and feelilng numb started to be the best way to live. With drinks they do wonders. Also pills are nice when you enjoy to cut names into your arm. And Wiskey helps with the burn.



in 2002 a friend of mine feel down and i was there she layed in a pool of her own blood with her dress up to her waist.

ways to hurt

In my underwear. im in my bed trying to forget all of the sounds outside my window. I the sweat and piss is starting to make my eyes burn.

I have found my self once again in the same place i was last year. fuck. Im overcome by the want to give up and let go. crap my pants and lay in it.

I cant help but think that i hope that you and every one you love gets fucked over. I hope that you can understand that you gave me the power cause Im at my best when i can hate my self. wach me rock at this.

im going to layin bed and think about what could have been and how great it was and how fucked up every thing is now. Im going to stay up all nigh tell 7am doing coke with friends and think about how much it would kill you to see me this fucked up. Im going to black out at gay bars and not care how i got home.

I think i care more that im sad and lost laying in my dirty underwear. I wish I could say that you would care that im sad today or that i can't stop drinking. I wish i could hurt you and make you cry. I wish you could feel what i feel inside.

Truth is i do know how to hurt you. i know just what to say. but i can't. I can't cause it would hurt me to much to let you know the truth.

its not fair

i saw a photo of the two of you together, the other night after a few to many drinks. he looks yonger then i thought that he would look. you looked happy. Fuck. The two of you sitting out side your place, and im sure that your cat was eating grass.

that was me once. looking at my Mr. in love.

you had reasons to leave me, reasons that you didn't know. I'll never tell.

ill share this with you, a thought that i had. I was looking at this guy, an older guy. you know me. he had a cock like the works that you never see. think and long. nice nuts. and eyes like glass. he came and i did what all boys do i drank it up. I don't know this man, and as he stands up he looks at me with those eyes, and he tells me that ill soon have a boyfriend.

this hits me and as i walk home i want to die. and then the rain comes. like out of a movie it comes back to me.

in the days before i sucked cock or had three ways i was a young boy walking home in the rain from work. i was in love and he didn't love me and i wanted to die. then rain was falling hard and in my anger i let myself cry.

It was then that i looked down. the grown and side walk was moving with hundres of earth worms.

thats the only reason ill tell you that you had to leave me.