I have been thinking alot the past few hours about the pondarosa trees and dry air. I have been thinking of old photos and flat beers. Philly is cold these days and my bed and sleep hold nothing for me any more. I don't get to sleep. I don't get to hang or chill or get stoned out om mind and eat tacos.
I dont understand why I feel such hate for some people. People who have done nothing wrong to me. Sweet people. And why I still love people that don't care about me, the heart wants what the heart can't have.
Did you know that I stayed in that place. I stayed there for three days. I was so fucked up then. Why would a kid like me. A happy kid, why would some one like me eat all those pills. Why did I. Me. Why did I use to cut my self, writing your name in my arm. So many names under the skin on this arm.
I have been looking at my self and my past. I have not dont that much good in my life and I have keep up that goal of fucking up every thing good.
Life is better with a little pain.
I could see myself laying in that chair. My arms wraped up, the pills still in my blood and that burnt oarnge sweater wraped arownd me. No sleep like that of a O.D.
When said I would say that one week was all I asked for. One week of being dead. Gone for one week.
Now days im happy, some times are hard but unlike some who push all love away I don't let my self run away to far. I know who I love and that will not run dry. The heart wants what the heart cant fucking have. Grow up heart he will never take you back!!!
I have been reading inbetween the lines and im doing my best to believe the lies I tell my self. The heart wants and the heart will always find a way.
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